30th Birthday Blues

It took you 30 years to get this depressed! It only seems like your life is over at 30 but in fact, 30 isn't even that old anymore. Considering that trees can live to be 500 years old, turtles almost 200 and people who don't drink, smoke, eat or have fun of any kind can live to be 90, you could be only 1/3 done! So cheer up, and have a great birthday. But if you just can't cheer up to the fact that you're 30, take these pills and sweeten your day.
Dr. U.R. Older, Facelift Laboratories, Sagging West Virginia.