60th Birthday Blues
It only seems like your life is over at sixty. Just because your hair, mind and teeth have all but vanished and everything that used to point up now sags down (way down); just because you have more chins than a Chinese phonebook doesn't mean there isn't anything good about being 60. Let's face, it could be worse. You could be turning 70! So sit back and enjoy this next phase of life.
DIRECTIONS: Take 2 pills with large amounts of liquor or mind altering drugs. Dye your hair. Buy a sports car. Have an affair. Remember, you're only as old as you feel! (so make sure you do a lot of feeling)
Dr. U.R. Older, Facelift Laboratories, Sagging West Virginia.