You Know You're a Coffee fiend if . . .
· You answer the door before people knock · You sleep with your eyes open
· You have to watch videos in fast-forward · The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse
· You can type sixty words per minute... with your feet · You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers
· Instant coffee takes too long · I say "How are you?" you say, "Good to the last drop"
· You name your cat "Catpuccino" · You think being called a "drip" is a compliment· You don't tan, you roast. · You don't get mad, you get steamed
If you have no problem forking over $8.50 for a single shot, skinny latte (translation: hot no-fat milk with some coffee in it), you need Caffiend – the easy way to cure your pathetic coffee addiction.
DIRECTIONS: Take 2 Coffiend pills every morning and cut back to 11 cups a day.