Regain

Sometimes birthdays happen to even good people and although every birthday gets you one step closer to being sent down to death’s farm team, don’t get down on yourself! Instead, take Regain Birthday Control Pills and go from Old Fart to Young Smart .
Instructions: Take 2 Regains every day with a shot of your favourite scotch until your memory fails to remind you how old you are. For ages 98 to 140

Dr. Will B. Young, Fountain of youth Labs, Ageing West Virginia