Sports Widow

It's hard to face life as a Sports Widow. All those long, empty Springs, Summers and Falls of boring Sunday afternoons. Take comfort. You are not alone. Millions of women have lost their husbands to televised sports. We know your pain, your suffering, your borken heart and your burned pot roasts. Stop waiting for half time, quarter time or any time - just take a couple of Sports Widow Pills with a tall glass of wine. Get together with other Sports Widows and paint the town red! Party to your hearts delight - bars, discos, male strippers - party, party, party! He'll never even notice you're gone! And that's a Good Thing.

Dr. I. M. Goinout. Tedius Laboratories, Boring, Ohio